Spody

Wed 5 Jul 2023

A few days since I wrote anything on here.

Life has just been busy.

They’re trying to diagnose me as mentally insane. And require me to take medication for it.

They’re all against me.

The only thing I have where I can do anything is the internet. MY own page.

I’m not getting enough sleep.

Ever since I stopped drinking the voices have been louder.

I still see the same amount of people, that aren’t there.

I see them clearly, but I can see who is real and who isnt.

Some days they’re hard to see, these are called the bad days.

When it’s a bad day it usually ends up in me being drunk. It was the way that helped me keep the voices down.

I decided that it would be the best if I stopped drinking.

Whenever there’s alcohol I end up drinking until there isn’t anything left.

Fri 23 Jun 2023

All mails have been transferred to the new server so for the first time in a long time my mails load almost instantly. I had an issue with Private Email from Namecheap earlier where it would take between 5-20 seconds to load up an email. Either in browser or in Thunderbird.

The issue seems to have been resolved now so there hopefully shouldnt be any delay in reading my emails.

Friday is the day that I usually drink alot.

I’ve started feeling like I shouldn’t drink as much as I have been. But then I buy some and want to drink it all. Just the same as with food, if there’s anything I eat it. Doesn’t matter if I’m full. I eat until there’s nothing on the table.

To write about something completely different, I’ve started to have my desktop on more which means I’m actually making more videos for the Youtube channel. But it will be a while before I’m at the 15 videos daily that I once was at.

Streaming is almost offlimits now because I can’t find the time to do so while also having some kind of privacy. The biggest issue is that I’m not living by myself and have a room which is walkthrough, so people just walk around behind me to get to stuff. So I dont feel like I can stream while that’s happening.

Regarding the laptop battery I bought the other day. Then it seems like I’ve bought the wrong one, so another month or so before I get the correct battery.

Dont want to wait, but I have to wait to get the money back from Amazon and then order the new one.

Thur 22 Jun 2023

Got my new mail server up and running correctly now.

Forgot that I had to put in the MX records before it would actually work.

Got that part of it working fine, now it’s just a matter of getting the website correctly up and running, since I’ve switched server provider.

Yes, it’s spody.org I’m talking about.

I want to work on stuff, but it’s hard getting the motivation for all the projects I’m currently working on.

For example, I’m afraid of AI’s and anything that can track me (phones) and those kind of devices, but I kinda want to make an AI that you can talk to. A personal assistance or something.

I would like to have a massive network where everything is located in one place. So one login for everything. Twitter, Facebook, Reddit and Youtube clone or something.

Plus I have my normal work, and a few Youtube channels (1 2)

Got some idea’s for videos on the one channel, but again motivation to make them since they require abit more work than others.

Meanwhile it’s so hot that having my desktop powered up for a few minutes heats up the room so much it’s hard to focus on anything other than being hot. And No, AC is not allowed in this apartment. Fans are not going in, since I get that vomit feeling when they’re next to me.

Wed 21 Jun 2023

Woke up fine, but felt sick at work in the mornings. Seemed like I had a hangover from my small problem I have.

Got new battery for laptop, but it might have been the wrong one. Since it still comes up with no battery installed, even after trying SMC resetting a few times.

Tues 20 Jun 2023

Today is the day that my dad has to go under the knife. So that means I have to take care of my brother. Atleast today and tomorrow. He was told that he could drive home himself so it’s not that bad.

Otherwise I’ve done almost nothing.

I’ve written half a script for a video idea I have, then maybe next weekend I’ll record it and maybe start editing it.

I don’t know who I can trust.

They’re around me, they’re everywhere.

My thoughts aren’t my own.

They want me to do bad things.

Everyone is against me.

I don’t know who’s trustworthy.

Afraid to do anything.

If I rebel they will get me.

I see them.

They see me.

They’re always just standing and looking directly at me.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what I can do.

All they tell me is the best way of ending my life.

If it finally isn’t that they’re talking about then it’s how to end someone else’s life.

I’m shaking and crying at work.

I can’t do this anymore.

It’s so loud, they’re everywhere.

I can’t concentrate.

What they say might be correct, it’s easier if I wasn’t around.

Mon 19 Jun 2023

Nothing much really been going on during the weekend. Other than it being really hot.

Cleaned car and started working on a project, aswell as starting a new series.

Added some smaller features to this page so it’s easier to control newer posts.

Today is pretty much just going to be getting everything ready for my dads surgery tomorrow. Where I then have to take care of my brother which is handicapped. No issues in that, except that we don’t really go well together. His handicap and my mental thoughts don’t help.

He has autism and diabetes. And I, yeah I have some and i’m getting tested for more. So far in the month of may I have these written in my journal and as a diagnosis (on the app). Depression, social anxiety, and I’m going to the final meeting regarding my possible schizofrenia next week. So it’s very fun.

My doctor has told me that I have it, but before it can be put as a diagnosis then I have to visit a phycatrist, and then after that meeting they have up to 30 days to write the diagnosis.

Sun 18 Jun 2023

Okay, so it’s been a ride to get this laptop working. First online recovery didn’t work on it since Apple has shut down the servers or something. Then I had to get the OS from Apple’s website and make my own bootable USB. Fine, but it requires a Mac to make one. Then I tried to use my Dads Macbook Air from around 2015. Doesn’t want to mount the device since it’s far ahead in version. So then I found a Pirated copy of OSX Lion, that worked with making a bootable USB device. But that wasn’t all. Because that version didn’t want to update. So I had gotten a Macbook with OSX Lion on it, which you can’t really use for many things.

The best thing I could do then was to make a USB bootable with the OS that I got from Apple’s website to make a USB on the pirated copy of the OS. And that worked with updates. But it took about 4 hours to install on this machine. Which could either be because I unplugged the battery and Apple makes the machine slower with a dead battery, or because the i7, 16GB RAM and 500GB SSD isn’t fast enough.

Anyway I got it working now.

A new battery has been ordered and should arrive next week.