Mon 12 Jun 2023

It’s impossible to live a life you want. I’m not talking a life with lots of money and partners. Its just the daily life of a “normal” person. Being normal is a personal definition. Say I want to get a diesel vehicle. Which I want. I think they drive better with the torque they have. But with the government in Denmark they have ruined it for everyone. Either the government or EU. There’s requirements for driving into some cities. And the rules are so bad that if you have a car from before 2016 you might not be allowed into some cities. Because the pollution levels are so high.

When it has been tested that on longer journeys a diesel is less dangerous than an petrol vehicle.

Anyway that’s enough on this page about diesel and the government.

If I go on about all the thoughts I have on my mind then there’s just too many. Getting them all out on paper or on screen in something that’s understandable is hard.

Working is difficult. There’s alot going on which makes it harder to concentrate.

Weirdly enough there’s no issues when I drive. I might be concentrating on driving so my brain doesn’t have the power to multitask.

What I’m talking about here is that I see outlines of people and hear voices. Mostly the voices I hear are telling me to do stuff. Imagine you’re playing the Sims. There’s someone controlling your every move. You might have some control over it yourself, but there’s someone higher up telling you to do stuff you’re not in the mood for. Except for me it’s not the mood, I’m being told to do bad things. Some of the stuff I hear daily is that it would be better for the world if I just ended myself. Which isn’t a very nice thought to have.

The outlines I see aren’t that bad, but they’re following me and looking at me all the time. So I get paranoid and want to get away. Even tho it’s pretty hard to escape from your brain and your thoughts.

One way I’ve found out that I can “escape” is by drinking alcohol. Even tho I know it’s bad for my health. Then it’s the “easiest” way I’ve found out.

I’m supposed to get tested on the 29th of june for schizofrenia.

My doctor doesn’t know what exactly would be wrong with me, but I do have traits for schizofrenia he says. So he is pretty positive it’s that.

I can see now that with just 2 posts the page is getting quite long. Maybe having a single page for all my rants would not be the best. So maybe I should just have a smaller amount of sub pages, or have some kind of pagination, which would be really annoying to have with static pages like what I currently have.

There are no dynamic pages. All of them are written in a single text document and then uploaded.

I said it would be too much work to get a backend with database to write everything out on the page.