Tues 8 September 2026

Yep, I’m 30 now.

Just sitting on my laptop listening to music while waiting for others to wake up. The only person that has said anything to me has been my youngest sister. It is still early, so people could be waking up. Or they could just be ignoring me. Either way, it’s like you expect people near you to say something, even when they say it’s in their calendar. I don’t know.

I was crying yesterday evening while in bed, and I have been this morning as well. There’s guests coming by today, and I don’t want it. And it’s too late to cancel now. I don’t like people, and I don’t like people coming for my sake, even if it’s a birthday. I hate being in the center.

Someone from the government called yesterday to schedule a meeting with me on Wednesday, tomorrow, so I could learn them better, and so they can see how I’m doing. They need to do this so they can see how I’m doing in my daily life, and what I struggle with. So I might one day be able to retire. I honestly don’t know what I would do. I feel sick, like headache, nausea, sweating and I’m shaking. These are the normal symptoms I have whenever I’m social. Even now before it’s happening then I’m doing it. Because I know it’s going to happen. Last Christmas it was the entire month because I know I was going to celebrate with family. Even when I just wanted to be alone and away from people. Funny enough then I do want to be social, I just feel sick if I am. And then I also do stuff online so people see me there. Even if it’s under a different name, then people can see it.

I went last week to the doctor and got a urine test, blood test, EKG (the test where they use a bunch of wires on you), and blood pressure test. And got a blood pressure tester with me home, and it’s not really looking too good. First my blood pressure is very high, and even with taking medication to lower it, it still is high.

Away from the life update stuff, then my power supply in my desktop died. It’s just making so much noise now that it wont show anything. And I can’t really afford to replace it. Since I could get a cheap one, or I could save up a little more and get one that would be more future proof, in regards to the newer graphics card connectors they use.

I had this idea which I believe I wrote in an older post, where I was thinking of making a daily vlog series of my entire year 30, as in everyday where I’m 30, but I don’t think that would be a thing. Either I procrastinate for too long, or I just get too nervous and get panic attacks. I mean I could write on this blog about what has happened to me daily, because I could just do this in a dark room, the only thing I need is an internet connection. Speaking of which, I just paid for the monthly fee for the web host I have. So the server is good for another month.

Yesterday evening I wanted to tinker with an server, so I just set up an Debian 13.6 server with 1 core¸ 512MB RAM and 12GB HDD. Which isn’t in itself an server, but I just use it as it fits fine for what I was thinking about. At first I thought I should use it as an VPN, but then I thought, why does it even matter with an VPN, since I just use Tailscale for that stuff.

I have been looking at some CRT monitors and TV’s lately, or rather for a long time, since I do want to get one for my older stuff. Like whenever I want to play any of my consoles and some games just look better on it.

I’m not sure if I wrote about this in the last post, but my brother has a Commodore PC20-III and he couldn’t get it working, so I told him he could bring it here and I would look at it. And I got it working pretty much within 2 minutes of having it here. Because normally it would display something on the screen even if there wasn’t anything connected, or something. But it didn’t. So I looked on the back and noticed there was some dials for brightness and such, and I just turned the brightness a little bit and it worked, it started showing whatever the machine put out. Then there was some issues with the previous owner having installed a game directly on the C:\ drive which caused the game to launch with the AUTOEXEC.BAT file in that directory. So you had to hold down the left SHIFT key to get it to boot outside, or just in the game press ESC, and Y to exit the game. Which then got you out to the terminal. There is no graphical interface on this version, or it’s just not installed. The system is running MS-DOS 4.01, we tried to put other discs into the floppy drive, but it seems like it is broken, there is no sound from it loading, you can hear a slight ticking sound, which would be the motor inside trying to move it’s head, but not really getting anywhere. I would suspect that it’s just dried out. Could maybe work with putting some alcohol in there, or some kind of oil for the motors, but I don’t think it’s worth it to spend so much time with this, unless he wants to get a mint system, and get other games and a newer operating system, but I don’t think he knows how to do any of that. He doesn’t even know how to change the boot order on his newer computer. So seeing him try out commands in the terminal to see if there was anything other on the machine was a little funny, also having to teach the commands, yeah.

Yesterday I did look at my other VCR, the Finlux VCR 6857 NE, but I couldn’t get it working, it just kept eating the tapes. I’m not too familiar with the player, and there isn’t any manuals online for this model. So I just listed it for sale and that’s it. I did list it as defective.

I think that was all for this morning update.